I’m organizing a retirement party for one of my coworkers for this Thursday afternoon. So far everyone seems pretty excited to go, but I love when I get an RSVP that’s tentative. I’m sorry but what are you Maybe doing at 2:30 on a Thursday that’s more fun then going to a party where sandwiches and squares are being served?? I should respond back with Maybe you should stay home then. Going away work parties are the best, it sets the tone for relaxing all day in preparation for the event. How could you not want to attend a social event like this??
So yesterday out of boredom I decided to troll on the New Glasgow MR. Barter Facebook Page. In the end, they blocked me from the group which sucks because I actually really liked that page.
This one is hard to make out. He is selling Twilight DVD’s so I just said ” How about no”
Now that I’ve given my notice with work I can finally talk a bit about what I do. I’m a recruiter, companies pay me to find the right person for them. I’ve met a lot of interesting people along the way. The majority of people that I’ve placed with companies have been very successful. Knowing that you played a part in helping someone achieve their career goals can be a very rewarding experience. But what I love even more than meeting successful awesome people, is all the duds I get to meet on a daily basis! Basically for every awesome person who applies for a position, 17 duds apply as well. It’s why employers pay me to wade through everyone for them.
Here are some examples of what I get to deal with…
22-year-old girls telling me they would like 40k a year to answer the phone because they have a degree. My favorite is when they say ” Well I did go to DAL” I should be offering you less money based on the fact you were stupid enough to go there and take history.
Keeping a straight face when people tell me they’re a DJ. And then not bursting into laughter when they tell me they mostly DJ in their bedroom for friends.
Having to sit a grown man with an engineering degree down and talk to him about why it’s not OK to show up at work wearing a shirt that reads ” You’re all fucked up like a soup sandwich”. Although I should have seen that coming as during our first interview he bowed to me while introducing himself.
And my personal favorite…I actually have this CV in a binder, a guy once sent me a résumé with a background watermark of him leaning on a 1998 Cavalier and it wasn’t a joke.
If you show up to an interview dressed like Judy Garland in Meet me in St.Louis…I’m not going to take you seriously.
Looks like someone is moving up in the corporate world. Check out my new office digs. I finally have a window! And best of all my window looks down onto the House of Assembly. I can’t wait to watch protests all summer long from my new office . Last summer a group of men were protesting while blasting music and having a BBQ. I don’t know what they were protesting but if you give me a hot dog and some Zep I will protest the shit out of that mother fucker.
I’m pretty sure my previous office was just an old supply closet as it didn’t even have a vent, it was like working inside the armpit of Satan. I guess now that I have a fancy office with a window I’m going to have to stop doing things like this to Olive Oil.
Can you believe he didn’t even find this certificate remotely funny?
What do the following songs have in common?
Katrina and the Waves Walking on Sunshine
Van Halen Jump
Kool and the Gang Celebration
The answer is they can all be heard from the office of a new tenant working on the same floor as my office. I had mentioned before I work in a shared office space, it’s filled with a lot of small businesses and everyone gets along pretty well. One thing we all agree upon is that we want to draw straws to decide on who is going to punch the new guy in the dick. Every morning he plays a jam to pump everyone up.
The worst part is he gets on a microphone during the jam to narrate over the music. He has been heard saying the following “Oh, doesn’t this song make you want to moon walk across the floor?” , “I don’t know about you, but I am feeling the energy off of this one”, “Someone start clapping their hands, feel the ENERGY!!” and my personal favorite an Austin Powers ” Yeah Baby!!! ”
No one is overly sure about what kind of business he runs, mainly because we couldn’t stand talking to him long enough to find out. As far as we can tell he runs some sort of hypnosis clinique…Yeah I’m not kidding either. People actually pay to hear this guy talk over shitty songs.
It drives me insane because he works out of the conference room directly beside my office. I’m also bothered by the sudden abundance of losers I now see walking past my office trying to make small talk with me on my Planet of the Apes poster I have hung on my wall. Yesterday one of them actually walked into my office twice. Once to ask me if I had a Tylenol ( I did, but I said I didn’t) and a second time to ask that I turn my Zep down. No one tells me to turn down The Immigrant Song , no one. I swear to God, if one of these fuckers uses my Cat mug, I’m going to lose it!
So Olive Oil is off again today, most people would be bothered by their boss taking every Friday off for the past month. Not me. I usually feel that by the time Friday rolls around I have done just enough of bare minimum to justify doing nothing more than filling a seat. I’m not going to waste my vacation time on day when I do absolutely nothing to begin with.
My plans for today include a visit to a client site, which will involve me talking to a manager for 10 minutes and then driving around Dartmouth for an hour. Normally I would come back to the office with a bag of breakfast sandwiches to bother people with the smell and upset all the hippies who work in my section.However, recently it has been noted that I’m a little nicer at work these days due to a few changes in my life . So I’ll just take an extended break and eat my bag of Breakfast sandwiches at the Dartmouth Fantom MacDonald’s.
Once I get back to the office I plan on looking over some emails, luckily I wear pretty thick glasses, so people just assume I’m really smart and always busy with important things when they walk past my office. In actuality I’m usually writing a short story on some random stranger I walked past on my way to the office or making a grocery list.
Speaking of a grocery list, I think this scrawny broad needs to make one. I don’t know who the hell she is. But she scares the crap out of me.
Rebecca of the future, is that you???