This just in…I’m a horrible person!


I’m sorry, but can we just take a moment to acknowledge that this wedding dress being worn by Angelina Jolie featuring her kids sub par art work is fucking hideous?? I realize I’m not a parent and I’ve never experienced the magical feeling of having a child create something just for me…But this dress is just plain awful.

 

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What I’m looking forward to….


I’ve got a lot going on over the next two months…

Work is sending me to Toronto this weekend for a Parent Information Session. I really enjoy the opportunity to promote the school I work for  and meet with potential students so I’m excited for this. But I’m even more excited for Duff’s Saucy Fingers and visiting with Brethren Lewis and his family!!!!

I’m hosting a Girls Potluck Brunch, drinking at 11am and enjoying my number three favorite sauce….Hollandaise Sauce on everything!!!

My amazing friends are in the middle of planning another all day drinking event for me. My shower and bachelorette party. I’ve made a rule of no penis items. I’m 31 years old, I’ve seen one before . I don’t need to get around town with a penis sippy cup. Luckily one of my bridesmaids is a lesbian and will be on top of  policing the no dick paraphernalia rule.

And more than anything else…I’m getting married to someone I’ve known for over twenty years in 62 days time! SB and I are both so excited to head to the Dominican with our friends and family. I can’t wait to call myself his wife! I’ve also purchased a Vera Wang wedding gown for myself to wear on the big day. I’m pretty excited over that too!

mossy oakI’m slightly bummed over not getting to wear this dress featured on Truro Kijiji . The smoke in hand is a great touch!

The first of many unnecessary wedding expenses


How necessary are engagement photos??  Do people really need to turn to the classified section of the New Glasgow News and see a photo of SB and I embracing each other with my hand on his chest and head on his shoulder in order for us to declare our love? I’m not putting anyone down who has done this or makes a living offering this service. Most of my friends all have really nice engagement photos.  I just can’t see the two of us heading to the beach to take a series of photos in the following poses

Down on one knee with the ring in hand, me  looking shocked even though we’ve been engaged for sometime now.

Leaning against some dirty old post, only to have a photographer white wash our skin and give us piercing blue eyes ( my eyes are green by the way and we all who who I’m referring too)

Making googly eyes at each other while wearing matching cable knit turtlenecks and pea-coats.

We already have some really nice pictures of us doing normal things, is it OK if I just set a few of those out at the wedding? Or will I become some sort of  tacky bride and have people say things like Well I wouldn’t be surprised if she had Scottsburn creamer cups filled with scotch mints and wrapped in tulle as a wedding favor. She didn’t even bother to get an engagement photo.

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I will consider engagement photos if we can recreate this scene!

And now the time I thought my boyfriend was proposing…


Just because you are all lovely dovey with a person doesn’t mean you’re ready to get married. SB and I were lying around in bed one afternoon when this conversation took place.

SB- I really want to get Marr

Me- (Que Dukes of Hazard style rolling off the bed, standing up out of breath) SLOW DOWN

SB- I was about to say Mario Galaxy for the Wii. Were you thinking I was about to propose?

Me- Um, yes.

SB- Wow, no offence but we’ve only been together 6 months. I’m not about to ask for your hand in marriage.  Good to know where you stand though…

I get the Simpson’s costumes, but why the hell is the Maid of Honour dressed like a princess? That’s just tacky.

3 more sleeps until Metallica!!!!


A couple that SB and I went to High School with shared a cab home with us on Saturday night. Grahambulance is a fan of the blog and wanted to know what I was going to write about on Monday. He is a pretty hilarious guy, so I hope this topic doesn’t disappoint him…

Wedding Songs I Fucking Hate.

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll.

Sweet home Alabama…To quote my Uncle Reptile. ” I have had to listen to that fucking song everyday since 1972, if I’m expected to show up to an event with a gift for you, don’t play it”

Old Time Rock and Roll.

Anything by Shania Twain

Lone Stars  Amazed

I’m seriously thinking about holding off on giving an envelope of money to someone until the end of the wedding dance, once it has been determined you played half decent music and deserve to be rewarded for it.

Playing Hank Williams Jr will guarntee at least $50.00 from me. I love me some Hank Williams Jr!

Tuesday Morning Horridness


The May long weekend is almost here, it’s officially wedding season! And to celebrate today I’m going to talk about the ugliest celebrity wedding dresses in history!

Maria Carey. While it was the early 90’s this dress is still inexcusable. Satin shoes?? GROSS!!!

SJP in the first Sex and the City movie. I’m aware that this was only a movie but still. This Dress is God awful. It’s like a giant duvet has been wrapped around a bunch of Twizzlers.

Victoria Beckham. It’s more so the flowers than the ugly dress in this situation.Again with the cascading ivory…Why???

And finally, this one takes the fucking cake…Celine Dion. She looks like the Sorcerer from the He-Man movie.

I love a good small town Legion wedding!


Wedding season will soon be upon us, I have been to my share of top-notch nuptials. But back  in high school, I also attended weddings at the Royal Canadian Legion almost every Saturday night as it was the only ” Bar” my friends and I could get into without an ID.

I know that it’s not polite to make fun of objects involved in a wedding I was never invited to in the first place, but I’m going to anyway. To this day it kind of breaks my heart just a little when my friends tell me they are getting married and have banned paper bells and streamers from entering the venu.I don’t even dare suggest a giant wicker chair for photo ops to them. But if I could pick four things I really loved about legion weddings it would have to be the following…

1. Two pieces of pound cake, one chocolate one vanilla, wrapped in foil with a doilie and ribbon tried around it.

2. The classic Pictou County party favor. An empty  Scotsburn creamer filled with After Dinner Mints, wrapped up in tool.

…Recycling at it’s finest!

3. Bad Music. While I hate these songs and I would go into a fit of rage if played at my wedding, it warms my heart to hear the following songs at the Legion weddings, Bob Seger’s Old Time Rock and Roll, Lynyrd Skynyrd Sweet Home Alabama, and Shania Twain’s Who’s bed have your boots been under? Nothing gets the older crowd out on the dance floor like a little Seger.

4. Precious Moments party napkins. I’m sure the napkins that reads “On this day I marry my friend” with two Precious Moments kids standing by a fence with flowers in their hands went along with the invitation that was never sent to me to begin with.