I’m more of a Movementarian these days.

Growing up there was no task as daunting for Mama Cat or myself as attempting to get me ready for Church. Every week it was the same horrible routine. I didn’t even mind the part where I attended the House of the Lord, I just hated the entire process on getting me there. It started with me switching back and forth from Amazing Discoveries and ASN’s Sunday Morning Programming such as The Rockets and Wonder Why? hoping that they would forget it was Sunday and we had to go to church. By 9:45 I was forced into a shower and the fun began.

  1. Searching the entire house for a pair of tights that were clearly lined with fiberglass insulation. I need to remind myself of this when I want to dress my daughter in a pair!
  2. While the good lord might not care about what you have on, the old ladies who will compliment your mother on your hotter than hell velvet Laura Ashley or Bill Blass dress do!  I would usually take my dress off immediately once we were home, crumple it up in a ball and throw it on my closet floor. This made for extra work on Sunday Morning when my mom realized she would now have to iron my lace Peter Pan collar.
  3. hairsprayWeather it was a french braid or just curling my sweet church bangs, it was always finished off with this horrible pumped hair spray and accompanied by my screaming. I swear I can still taste this in the back of my throat to this day.
  4. Getting to wear your good Sunday School Shoes. I actually loved this part. I wasn’t permitted to wear these throughout the week, so walking around for an hour in a pair of patten leather shoes was a real treat!
  5. As a reward to my brother and I for not acting like little cunts during the service, almost every Sunday we went to the Peter Pan for brunch. Which to this day I still miss and I would probably take up attending church again if they were still open.