Relationship Advice for Complete Fucking Idiots.

Sometimes I don’t know whats wrong with people that these things even need to be said…But if the following applies to you or the person you’re with, you might want to reevaluate your relationship choices.

If someone ( male or female) is an insane bitch and you’re still in the first year of a relationship. Breakup with that. The early stages of a relationship are about trying to convince someone you’re a good person. You get up early and make super fancy breakfast on a weekday and  you do frisky things all the time in the first year. That’s it. You don’t have public freakouts, social media dumpings and or weekly breakups . Trust me, if someone is a shitty partner in this stage…It’s only going to get worse.

The fact that you are currently with someone because you managed to end their previous relationship is not a way to start off. Just remember when a better looking, more fun version of you comes around things will change.  Do you know why SB can talk to girls without me turning into a psychotic cunt? Because he’s not a douche and I trust him.

If you have a relationship status as ” It’s Complicated” on Facebook, the entire world is laughing at you. Is it OK to take a break in a relationship? YES! It’s a healthy thing to do  as long as its what you both want and agree to be respectful to one and other.  But if you get back with your partner after months of having them post on Facebook who you slept with and how shitty of a person you are,  I think everyone is expecting the cops to come to your home over a domestic disturbance some night, because this argument will come up on a weekly basis.

Don’t treat your partner like your personal ATM machine. Go out and earn things on your own like an adult. And if you’re stupid enough to sit back and let someone take all of your money and spend it on themselves for twenty years, then you deserve to cover their personal maintenance fees for another twenty years when a judge orders you to pay spousal support. And don’t start with the Stay at Home Mom argument, that’s not my point here.

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In closing I would like to say that if you have to read a book on how to get someone to date you, you should just stop trying. Just follow this guideline from my friend Laura. Don’t stick your dick in crazy.  That goes for ladies and men…


I’m back…Kind of!

So I’ve kind of been ignoring my blog, I’m sorry I’ve been busy, I miss all the goof time I had in my old job sometimes.  I have however been searching for wedding decor on the local Kijiji site. Throughout my search to find modestly prices table cloths and chair covers, I’ve come across some dazzlers of wedding gowns.

Ladies, no matter how beautiful your dress was. it will eventually go out of style and reach a point that people will only ever put it on to make fun of it.  This isn’t mean or hurtful, I fully expect in fifteen years to look back at my dress and think, Fuck! Below are some of the dresses I have encountered…

This one comes with a matching head-piece. It wasn’t featured in the add, I am willing to bet it goes down in a v-shape on the forehead and contains a lot of pearls. I also think babies breath was somehow thrown into the mix.

dress3I bet when the owner of this one was telling all her friends about her dress back in 1985 she said ” Oh my god, you’re going to love it. I look just like Hope Williams Brady with it on”

dress2Something tells me the model in this photo is more than likely her Teenaged daughter… Also, like ruffles much?