I have a total of five nieces and nephews to buy for this year. Christmas is a great time to assert my status as Number One Aunt by showering the kids with useless toys. People always go on about how their kids don’t need toys. One year I followed this advice and bought our nephew brown cords instead of something awesome. He lost his shit and yelled ” I hate pants for Christmas” I can’t blame him. I’d be fucking pissed too if someone bought me a pair of shitty old brown corduroy pants for Christmas. That’s the female adult equivalent to receiving a $99.99 Charm Diamond Center Heart Shape Diamond Pendant.
Next we move onto people who want to have an ” Old Fashion Christmas.” Not once during Childhood did I think to myself while opening a gift Oh I hope it’s a wooden toy . What am I fucking Amish??Don’t worry kids, I’ve learned my lesson on shitty gifts, everyone is getting sweet gifts this year that you will play with once and then forget all about!
Best Christmas Movie Ever.
Another thing I’ve been up to while on hiatus is falling in love with photos of a cranky looking cat! Tard has been featured on The Chive for about a month now. He also has his own Facebook group but I wouldn’t suggest following the memes on there as his owners tend to take awesome photos and then create shitty unfunny memes. Here is an example of a funny Tard meme featured on The Chive…
And here is an unfunny meme…
Not a meme, also not funny.
As a woman I feel it’s my duty to make this public service announcement. Men, at no point in time is it EVER acceptable for you to be wearing jean shorts. I don’t care what the style, this is not OK… Unless you are dressing up as John Cena on Halloween, you’re going to be made fun of.
Sweet Clam Diggers!
Sorry for the lack of blogging over the month of November. I needed some time to regroup myself and focus on my real job for a few weeks. I wasn’t sure where this blog was going, when I started this whole thing I was a broke white kid living in the poor part of town. I’ve moved on from my days of having to cool off under the vents of the Olands Brewery because I couldn’t afford AC in my apartment. I was starting to feel like I was blogging just for the sake of putting something out there. But I’m back and recharge! Here is what I’ve been up to for the past month…
I turned the Living room into a Mad Science Lab for Halloween.
Red has consumed over 6 pairs of underwear and waits until 4 am to throw them up all over the floor.
My boss told me in a group meeting that he started following me on Twitter and I had an instant flashback to all the inappropriate remarks I have made about vagina’s over the past three years.
Speaking of vagina’s, I called a women in Sobeys ” a real cunt” under my breath, only she heard me and proceeded to give me a look of disgust every time we passed each other in the store.
Count Jackula won his election!
I still love DQ Chicken Strips, but I’ve also just rediscovered my love for the Swiss Chalet Festive Special! I like to order the take out so I can drink the Chalet Sauce in private.
…And that pretty much sums up the last 30 days.