There’s a small town in my mind


With the 1000th episode of WWE’s RAW quickly approaching, I have a few suggestions as to whom I would like to see on the show that night.

The entire DX crew. If Sean Waltman can manage to not get high on gas for one day, this could actually happen!

Hulk Hogan. This one is a long shot as he and MacMan haven’t exactly been on good terms for the past decade.

They haven’t announced Stone Cold yet, but it’s a given that he will show up. If he doesn’t, the 1000th show will go down in history as the second biggest let down in WWE history. The biggest let down goes to the anticipation of Lex Luger’s Survivor Series début and instead getting the Gobbledy Gooker.

Come to think of it, I wouldn’t be opposed to the Gooker making an appearance.

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Being Attractive 101


You know what’s really unsexy and beyond dangerous? Me eating a little bag of peanuts while driving down the highway. Seriously peanut snack manufactures need to make a more convienient bag for people who drink their peanuts while driving.

Songs loved by dirtbags…


It doesn’t matter if you’re going to the Bill Lynch Show or that fair run by the religious family, Carneys love hard hittin tunes! Carneys love fair jams for two reasons. One turning up the base in order to get attention when ladies walk past them. Two, showing off and doing tricks to the music like balancing on the gates or jumping off The Scrambler while it’s still going because Enter Sandman gave them some extra courage.

If I was a Bill Lynch employee, the following jams would be blasting all summer long as I worked the Sea Dragon.

Brian Adams, Summer or 69. Sure he has tons of other number one hits, but don’t ask a Carney what they are. If you frequent the Westville Fairgrounds after 8pm this song gets played about four times ever hour.

Kid Rock’s Sweet Home Alabama . It has all the elements a dirt ball would love. Kid Rock and a tribute to Lynnard Skynnard.

Butterfly by CrazyTown, You find me one Carney that doesn’t love this shitty song.

ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING by Jon Bon Jovi… Sometimes preference is given to It’s my life but in the evenings I noticed they like to romance things up and play Always . I guess scruffs are more likely to spend their money on winning a giant Rastafarian Banana for their wool when the mood is set for them.

Sweet Southern kisses, would you look at that swimming suit.

Two More Weeks!!!


Now that I’ve given my notice with work I can finally talk a bit about what I do.  I’m a recruiter, companies pay me to find the right person for them. I’ve met a lot of interesting people along the way. The majority of people that I’ve placed with companies have been very successful. Knowing that you played a part in helping someone achieve their career goals can be a very rewarding experience. But what I love even more than meeting successful awesome people, is all the duds I get to meet on a daily basis! Basically for every awesome person who applies for a position, 17 duds apply as well. It’s why employers pay me to wade through everyone for them.

Here are some examples of what I get to deal with…

22-year-old girls telling me they would like 40k a year to answer the phone because they have a degree. My favorite is when they say ” Well I did go to DAL” I should be offering you less money based on the fact you were stupid enough to go there and take history.

Keeping a straight face when people tell me they’re a DJ. And then not bursting into laughter when they tell me they mostly DJ in their bedroom for friends.

Having to sit a grown man with an engineering degree down and talk to him about why it’s not OK to show up at work wearing a shirt that reads ” You’re all fucked up like a soup sandwich”. Although I should have seen that coming as during our first interview he bowed to me while introducing himself.

And my personal favorite…I actually have this CV in a binder, a guy once sent me a résumé with a background watermark of him leaning on a 1998 Cavalier and it wasn’t a joke.

If you show up to an interview dressed like Judy Garland in Meet me in St.Louis…I’m not going to take you seriously.

 

 

 

 

 

I have amazing hair today…


If there’s a show about hillbillies getting into trouble, I guarantee you my boyfriend will watch it.  For a while SB had two favorite shows. World’s Worst Tenants and Cajun Justice. But recently a new one has come into his Thursday night fold. DUI. DUI is a reality show about people who get DUI’s…For real.  This is probably my favorite of the redneck crime shows to watch with him based on his excitement alone. I get to hear a lot of ” Oh you know this guy has a DUI!”

His comments and the fact that he can’t take a show that’s meant to scare people straight serious are what I love. He can’t contain his laughter over what goes on in the booking station.

Last night episode featured this guy who decided after his DUI it was best to ride around the neighbourhood on a bike while drinking instead of a car.

I don’t know how some people ever fished for compliments before Facebook…


I think I need a major Facebook friends clean up. If you are over the age of 20 and post the following you’re going to be deleted…

Posting song lyrics about how your boyfriend doesn’t want to be with you.

Updating your status and making mention of all your brandname items… Oh my god, I set my Coach bag down at Starbucks today and the table had coffee all over it, now my new $600.00 bag along with my Iphone and my brandnew Lulu Lemon pants that were in the bag are covered in some dicks coffee. Thanks, I can’t wait to go spend another $1100.00 on new things today. 

Asking me to join any sort of online game.

Only posting photo’s from 7 years ago before you were fat. Or only having webcam photo’s of yourself sitting at your computer desk like some sort of online predator.

Anyone with a relationship status of It’s Complicated. Why is it complicated?? Because you’re a fucking idiot??

I forget, did all my Facebook friends who would stop at nothing to catch this guy ever get him??

Fifty Shades of Shut the Hell Up!


I’m just about finished the first Fifty Shades book and I have to say, I don’t think I’ll be reading the remaining two. And it’s all because that Ana is a twat. If Ana was a real girl , she wouldn’t have any friends to worry about her dating such a controlling douche bag because she would have driven them all away years ago.

It’s not romantic when the guy you’re having sex with follows you across the country because he can’t stand not being able to keep tabs on you, it’s psychotic. It’s also not romantic when the person you date hates all your friends and doesn’t want you around anyone but him. My perception on Ana is that she is a 21-year-old sexual prude and is possibly anorexic. She has  been banging this guy for a week  already in love with him? What the fuck??

Ana is that girl who shows up to her Ex’s family home after they’ve broken up to return his “stuff” but the stuff consists of things like…Half a red pepper from the last dinner you made together, a pencil, gift wrap from a present he bought you, an empty bottle of body wash. Basically things that any normal person would have thrown out but a nut finds significance in keeping.

This is exactly how I picture Ana while I’m reading.