Oh I’m going to be so skinny by the end of this…

First day on the new job went well, it went a million times better than the first day on my old job. One I was permitted to have  a lunch break and two I didn’t throw up all over myself on the way to work like I did on the last job! My new office however has a glass door and I’m going to have to reconsider some of my lunch options. Now that people can see what I’m eating as they walk past the following foods will no longer be consumed at work…

Peaches, I move my mouth all around the peach to avoid making a mess and I make a really ugly face while biting into one.
Nachos. Before I could make them in the microwave when no one was around and rush back to my office without having someone see me and then having to offer half of them away.
Any sort of stringy pasta. Yes I’m a grown woman who can’t properly eat spaghetti in public.
Chicken Toast. I don’t even need to go into explanation over this one…I work in an environment with learned Doctors.

Martin Norton Funkhouser!

First day at the new job, I’m looking decent in my new outfit but I kind of wish I took the initiative  to get my hair done.  I look like that skank from your grade nine homeroom who just disappeared in the middle of October. They were there for five weeks and were never to be seen again until one day you stay home sick, and by mid afternoon you’re starting to feel better so your mom lets you run errands with her at the mall.   And there they are, sitting on the bench in front of Leisure World smoking with  cigarettes wearing a jean jacket.

Look at these scallywags. Any kid with a shaved head and bangs is destined to grow up and smoke outside the mall.

And don’t start with the well girls are catty…Find better people to befriend.

I love when girls say things like ” Oh I’m a guys girl, I don’t really have any female friends.” If you don’t have any female friends it doesn’t make you a guys girl, it makes you a bitch. It doesn’t matter how cool you are with the guys, if you can’t be nice to their girlfriends, you kind of lose your status of cool girl to hangout with. examples of celebrities who admit to not having any female friends are…

Megan Fox, Angelina Jolie and  Kristin Stewart

Kristen Stewart being her usual outgoing self!

Last Week !!!!!

Today was the last time I will ever have to wake up at 5:30 on a Monday morning and get ready to drive into the city. While I’m going to miss my driving partner and all of our good times, I’m not going to miss spending three hours out of each day in a car looking at one dead animal after another all over the highway!

I’m really looking forward to the starting of a new job. Being a half an hour drive from my new office is going to be amazing. However I’m a little nervous about my new environment. For instance, last week I found out the entire office watches Big Brother and they don’t just watch it. They talk about it non stop and flip-up over what happened the night before while having their morning recap session. I’m scared to tell my new coworkers I don’t watch Big Brother because I spend all my TV time watching wrestling , wrestling documentaries and movies featuring late 1980’s  WWF superstars.

Their all going to think I’m some sort of hillbilly when this conversation takes place…

Coworker Hey Rebecca, can you believe that Power of Veto competition from last night on Big Brother?? My mind is blown!!!

Me No I didn’t see it, I downloaded the 1996 Motion Picture Classic,  Santa with Muscles starring Hulk Hogan last night and watched that instead.

Coworker Oh…

Best movie ever!!

Anyone who finds me attractive won’t after reading this…

My new position starts in one week and to prepare for it I’ve been asked to come to work for training once a week. Yesterday I had my first Larry David Moment in my new office. On my way out yesterday I stopped in the washroom to wash my hands. That’s when I realized the last person to use the bathroom must have went to Arby’s for lunch. As I was coming out, another coworker was waiting to go in.

What do you say in a situation like that? If I flat-out say that it wasn’t me who caused that smell , they’re going to assume it was. And if I don’t say anything they will also just assume it’s me. Now I’m going to be known as the girl who takes bear shits at work. Don’t get me wrong everyone poops  in public at some point in their life. But I’m also the same person who goes to parties with a book of matches incase I have to!

What the hell ever happened to Gaby Hoffman?