This weekend marks my last weekend of red wine binge drinking for the next six months. SB and I have made our July 1st bets, some of you may recall that I gave up Diet Pepsi for six months last year and complained about it every single day until January 1st. This year I have agreed to give up Red Wine. I’m doing this for two reasons…
1. To lose weight, I’ve packed on the pounds over the past year. Sharing a bottle of wine and a plate of cheese every night might have something to do with it.
2. To prove to myself once and for all I’m not really an alcoholic.
I’m honestly scared that I might take some sort red wine withdrawal seizure or that I might just turn into a giant cunt whom no one will associate with at a party. Luckily I’m still allowed to have whiskey and spiced rum or else I would make it my personal priority to ruin Christmas for everyone this year.
Not even a photo of the Westville Liquor School can cheer me up today.
Yesterday I became an Aunt to twins!! And you better believe it is my duty as Number One Aunt to make sure these kids are never put in a onesie that reads Double Trouble . Luckly for The Edision Twins, their parents are fashionable people so the fear of this happening is slim. To celebrate their arrival SB and I are going to drink copious amounts of wine all weekend and think about having a baby of our own, only to roll out of bed at noon hung over and realize it’s our time.
As part of the weekend celebrations we will also be watching Nothing But Trouble featuring Tupac Shakur
I used to think that any girl who read the Twilight series and got all hot over it needed an intervention. Then I started to read Fifty Shades of Grey . I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. If SB told me in the early stages of our relationship that he would only date me pending my signature on a contract that gives him complete control over my life and permission to beat the crap out of me, I would have told him to get the fuck out of my apartment. Yet in this book it’s so hot. It’s like I totally skipped over the chapter on Mental Abuse in Grade Eight Health.
I feel like such a hypocrite when I’m on my period and accuse SB of telling me what to do when he makes a suggestion and then I sneak off to the bathroom to read about a man controlling every move a woman makes!
Maybe a man should write a sexy novel about a woman who cleans the house all day and gets a reward when shes done. Then my boyfriend might start reading the pages I leave open for him.
I hate basically every song to be played on a light hits radio station. But what I hate even more than today’s popular music, is Summer hits from the past. The following are my top five most hated of all time Summer Jams.
Len Steel my Sunshine Just when you start to forget this song ever existed, C-100 feels the need to play it every hour on the hour.
Sweet Home Alabama , this song also falls into the Summer Wedding Songs I Hate Category. I’m not joking, if you invite me to your wedding I will take money out of the card I’m giving you for playing this song. The Kid Rock version only adds to my anger.
I don’t know the name of this next one, but it’s about the New Kids having a bunch of hits…I think it’s called Summer Girls . I refuse to Google it and add to the Bands Google Stats.
Black Eyed Peas Humps don’t even fucking get me started…
Any song preformed by Christina Aguilera . I can’t stand this woman.
Sorry for missing two posts this week. It has been a pretty hectic work week for me. I had my boss from head office down all week so taking a break to blog wouldn’t have been the best idea. In other work news Olive Oil no longer works for my company! And taking his place is yours truly!!!! I’ve got a pretty decent handle on the new position as Olive Oil hasn’t bothered to show up for work for almost a month now anyway. Now that I’m a woman of power I’m going to have to cut back on my online reality TV watching time and ordering chicken fingers when I’m out in public.
Something tells me Chicken Toast isn’t a respected afternoon snack among my higher up colleagues.
Residents of Pictou County who post on the Facebook Mr.Barters Buy-Sell-Trade page. Post within reason. Old clothing, kids toys,used vehicles and furniture are all OK. You know what’s not OK and totally disgusting? Selling the following…
A used weave, electric razor, a large box of used combs and hair brushes, I don’t care if they are professional grade, it’s disgusting. Basically, if you have used a product to groom yourself, don’t try to resell it ! Never in my life have I thought to myself. Oh I need a new electric razor for shaving my lady parts. I really don’t want to spend the $35.00 at Wal-Mart though to acquire one. Oh I’ll check the Mr.Barter’s page! What the fuck is wrong with people??
For all you know, that razor could have came from Leah Messer’s filthy home !
Ah Monday, my hangover is gone and some big stuff is going on in my office. I can’t really get into details at the moment but my career has two possible outcomes this week! Enjoy these photos of celebrities who look like animals…
Roads, where we’re going we don’t need roads!
I wonder if this ostrich ever gets drunk and beats her husband???
Look closely, it’s not two separate photos of crumpled up paper bags. It’s Iggy Pop and a creepy looking cat. I like to pretend the cat’s name is whiskers.
I know stripe isn’t an actual animal. But in all fairness Flavor Flave isn’t an actual celebrity.