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If there is one kitchen item I fucking hate, it’s a plastic cheese grater. These things are whores to clean and suck at grating cheese…

 

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And now my big news!


SB and I are moving back home to New Glasgow on May 1st!! I’m going to miss a lot of things about the City of Halifax mainly the large selection of cheese and cured meats, but I’m pretty excited to become a home owner again. Months of spending $1300.00 on a one bedroom apartment with a standup shower and only one closet has caused me to become pretty bitter when it comes to renting. 

Some of the things I’m  looking forward to include…

Making  prochutto in the basement

Living ten minutes away from the beach

No more cyclist on the road, only poor people bike in New Glasgow or people with DUI’s

Never having to drive back to Halifax on a Sunday Morning with a hangover

Renovating our new home and creating a  secret room behind a book shelf

Finding a job in New Glasgow that doesn’t involve working at the Dollar Store or Burger King Lounge

I’m also looking forward to living in a town where this woman is still considered to be attractive. Maybe I can get a part-time job as a model when I move back home!

Ben Mulroney is not a celebrity, he’s annoying.


Sorry for missing yesterday’s post. For once my life has been overwhelmingly busy! I spent yesterday working until 8pm asking fifteen Accountants the same twelve behavioral interview questions, every last one of them gave the exact same answer to ever single question. I was able to break my day up by working out with my trainer who doesn’t count the exercises I do improperly as a means of getting through my set faster; and sitting in a meeting getting shit on for an hour. It made for a great day.

I’ve got some big stuff going on in my personal life that I’ll get into next week. I’m pretty excited to tell everyone about it too!  Don’t worry I’m not knocked up. Although every time I hold a baby or hear that someone is pregnant I instantly want one. Instead I treat myself to numerous glasses of whiskey and water and I quickly change my mind on wanting children when I wake up after nine hours of uninterrupted sleep and proceed to lay around my apartment in my undies all day. None the less I still have big news coming early next week!

Did you know that Paul Bear was actually Funeral Director? Wouldn’t it be a real treat to walk into a funeral home all sad and then have him tell you about the lovely casket collection his Undertaker has to bury someone in!

Food I should be embarased by to love


Instant Mashed Potatoes. I don’t know why people complain about prison food. I would love to eat these every night!

Hamburger Helper Cheesy Shells. But it has to be made with ground turkey and I add brocoli to it.

Combo pretzels. The Official Snack of Nascar! Olive Oil is in Florida and I’ve asked him to bring me back some. I realize the door is now wide open for his judgy comments on my eating habits.

Domino’s Pizza…

 

Halfway to to Ashtray Rock


One of the greatest things that could happen to a kid at my old High School was to get caught drinking at a dance. It was basically giving a kid a dream week come true. You were given a one week out of school suspension. This was done in hopes that your alienation from all your friends would make you think twice about your actions. But that was never the case. All your friends would be so jealous of you for getting to spend one week unsupervised in your parents home sitting around watching The Price is Right  and doing BT’s all day that they would skip school and come visit you.

As if the school side of your punishment wasn’t already good enough,  you then had the legal side. For starters you had to go to the John Howard Society. There you would be ordered to draw a poster of what you did and why it was a bad idea . Count Jackula was always getting after me for sitting around and drawing when I should have been at school. These kids even had their art work on display around town! After your punishment of making a poster was dealt out, you were then ordered to work at the YMCA after school  for a week. This was the best part to the punishment because once your week was up the Y would give you a free membership for ” Volunteering” your time.

Whoever though it was a good idea to gather teenagers in a dark semi-unsupervised auditorium  is a genius.

I need a new rock bottom


You better believe that if I come across wet unguarded  cement I’m going to write something in it! I wanted to write Rush Blows, but I didn’t know when the security guard who was supposed to be watching the cement dry would be coming back. East Pictou Sucks would have also made for some nice art work!

The last time I tried to deface new cement was while walking home in the North End. I lightly tried to leave a foot imprint but I lost my balance and ended up with cement up to my ankel and ruined my new flats…I’ll stick to writing in it.