The Fantom was always my favorite ice cream bar.


Ninja Turtles Ice Cream Bars. Our elementary school canteen carried these for a week. Then a guy in Brethren Lewis’ class stole a box and ate the entirety of its contense at the top of the cottage street path. That old fucking crank Claire Osgood refused to order more after that incident.

The Super Mario Brothers Bars were huge. You could get all the characters from the game. If you want to start an elementary school yard fight. Tell a large group of girls under the age of 12 that you only have 4 Princess Peach bars.

Wrestling Ice cream bars. You had to walk all the way to Big Al’s to get one of these. If you lived in the Deep North End that was quite a walk. But well worth it to eat a treat that featured André the Giant flexing!

I aint nothing but tired.


So today is day one of working out. I broke down last night and purchased new workout clothing. My former workout suit consisted of a pair of grey elastic bottom sweat pants and matching grey t-shirt. SB enjoys asking me how Police Academy was today when I have it on.

I’m sure I will have all sorts of horrible things to say about my new personal trainer after today.  So before I start comparing her to   Mao Zedong, I should point out that I will only be doing  this  because I’ll be angered over her forcing  me to move around and more than likely her suggesting that I stop drinking so much and maybe cut back on my mass consumption of hotdogs.

And I  flat out refuse to join a fucking Zumba class.

2012 Worst Dressed at the Oscars!


Everyone went on and on about how much they loved this dress. People Magazine put it in the top 15. I’m just going to come out and say it. It’s hideous.I’m sorry…

This dress looks like something you would find on a sale rack at Costa Blanca Clothing. No one can pull this dress off and that’s because it’s ugly.

Dr.Quinn Medicine Woman might want to get her head checked. Seriously you’re 61 years old…

Eat a fucking sandwich…

All shall fade to black again and again


It’s Friday. Yesterday the Government of Canada rewarded me with my sweetest income tax return to date. Olive Oil has signed off on my 15% pay increase and after work I’m heading out for some Johnny Walker Black Label and Water.

Whiskey and Water has been my favorite drink since the age of 17 when my co-worker Brenda snuck me into Wranglers Bar in New Glasgow. I didn’t know what to order when the bartender asked me what I wanted so I thought back to Count Jackula’s favorite night-cap and blurted out my order. I’ve been in love with the drink ever since.  I’m just hoping Patti-Stiltskin holds off on having that baby until Monday now, because no one wants to see me around a baby with a whiskey hangover.

Some people like to refer to Whiskey and Water as the choice drink for a 75-year-old alcoholic.

I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog


This week rules so far…

It’s Count Jackula’s 58th Birthday today.

My best friend Patti-Stiltskin is going to go into labour any day now.

Slutbanger’s brother came over for lasagna and hilarious stories last night, there for we have lasagna left overs for dinner tonight.

I came home from vacation to find out T-Swan had a baby boy who is adorable.

My hair looks amazing today. After five long months of full head foils I’m back to being blonde

 Yesterday I found out that a lovely couple who shall remain nameless are having a boy and a girl. I plan on spoiling these little christers  rotten  by buying them whatever they ask me for.

Silver Bells passed her inspection with flying colours and is now permitted on the road for another two years! For those of you who have never seen this sweet ride, you should know this is an amazement.

 

It’s not an illusion, we runnin the streets


You know what really grinds my gears? People who sing over songs while driving in your car. If I wanted to hear you sing over all my favorite Ludacris songs, I’d do the following;

Invite you over to my apartment, hook up some recording equipment play a song and ask you to sing over it out of tune. Then I’d burn it to a CD and play it in my car( whom I have named Silver Bells )  while driving.

This is number three on my list of things that force me to hold my rage in. Number two being women who are far too old to have long bleached blonde hair and insist on wearing Corona cowboy hats. And number one being when a grown man shows up to a party with his guitar even though no one requested he do so.

An exception can be made to this rule when a Ja Rule song comes on. Mainly because I love yelling Murda Inc!

Guess who stayed sober long enough to fire a gun??


I’m back from vacation! Aside from the 26 hour flight delay and the fact that Thomas Cook is the world’s worst airline who didn’t deliver our luggage until Tuesday night, the trip was a fun time. Enjoy These photos.

Finally after four days I’m reunited with my baggage and cute shoes!

We came across the most amazing restaurant ever. It’s located on 4th Street. For the low price of $20.00 American you can get the following. Four tacos, pulled pork nachos, three bottles of Sol, One king size margarita and one small margarita ! Everyone needs to visit Carboncitos in  Mayan Riviera.

I’m about five pounds away from reaching the ” She really shouldn’t be wearing a two piece” mark…

Yup that’s a guy wearing a Speedo and a fanny-pack the official change holder of losers.

Back home to our little Red Headed Bastard who eats money. I’m not joking. He once ate a $20.00 bill back when I had even less money than I do now. I was beside myself!