Because its been a little while.

Oh my god, will someone please tie Leann Rimes to a chair and force that skeleton to eat something. My greatest fear is that she’s going to die and end up propelled into music sainthood. I swear if I have to listen to her sing that god fucking awful Blue Velvet song just once I’m gonna lose it.


Every time I come in the kitchen, you in the kitchen. In the goddamn refrigerator. Eatin’ up all the food. All the chitlins.

So yesterday was a pretty big day for me, I made it to 100,000 hits on Niceshoesbitch!!! I started this blog when everything in my personal life seemed like it was falling apart and I needed to find humour in things again. It really means a lot to me that people care enough to check out my daily rants.

Blogging has given me back my sense of self-worth and confidence. I’ve developed friendships through blogging and even managed to score a boyfriend out of it. There are certain people who I will never bad mouth on this blog because they do not deserve to be mentioned here. My blog is about  new life and gaining the old me back. None of this could have happened without the support of my friends, family and readers!

Thanks everyone for your support!

Friday is my all time favorite movie to watch on VHS.

While I’m at it, I would also like that Beadazzler I asked for 14 years ago.

How old is too old when it comes to asking for a Barbie for Christmas?? Check out the Christian Louboutin Barbie! I love that she comes wearing a slutty leather cat suit and over the knee animal print boots. Take note female skanks  patrons of Club D, this is how you rock a fucking cat suit.


Get out my business, my biznass

Hazel’s Facebook status about Tim Horton’s being hillbilly coffee has inspired this mornings post. It absolutely grinds my gears when people call Tim Horton’s coffee a Timmy’s.  I just in vision a woman wearing spandex and an XXL fleece jacket with unkempt hair saying ” Oh god love ya, you brought me a Timmy’s”

I  don’t have any hilarious Tim Horton’s photos, so my main man Luda will have to do for today. I am however thinking of starting a People Of Tim Horton’s segment…

And now the time I thought my boyfriend was proposing…

Just because you are all lovely dovey with a person doesn’t mean you’re ready to get married. SB and I were lying around in bed one afternoon when this conversation took place.

SB- I really want to get Marr

Me- (Que Dukes of Hazard style rolling off the bed, standing up out of breath) SLOW DOWN

SB- I was about to say Mario Galaxy for the Wii. Were you thinking I was about to propose?

Me- Um, yes.

SB- Wow, no offence but we’ve only been together 6 months. I’m not about to ask for your hand in marriage.  Good to know where you stand though…

I get the Simpson’s costumes, but why the hell is the Maid of Honour dressed like a princess? That’s just tacky.

Oh Butch…What are we going to do with you?

According to The Examiner and my friend Jamie, Teen Mom’s Butch was arrested for assault. Come on Butch, the reality TV world was rooting for you! Is April  a crotchity old bitch ? Yes. Does she deserve to get punched in the face for it? No.

Obviously you spent all your Teen Mom money on novelty pajama pants which you have deemed acceptable for day time ware  and crack. Thank god Tyler has a mom with some common sense and he turned out to be a lovely person.

I can only assume this family won the lottery and the Mom decided to buy some sexy Mrs.Claus linger for the family Christmas photo.