Good News and Bad News.

Last night was a disaster, it started out with some cheese burger eating fuck from Live 105 yelling into a microphone and it just went down hill from there. Jerry Lawler and Million Dollar man didn’t show up and I’m pretty sure the wrestlers wives also serve as the general labourers while on tour.

Enjoy this promo video Jerry Lawler shot for the event. I think the only person surprised by his career downfall is Jerry Lawler himself.

The good news is, I’m going gambling tonight! Then tomorrow I have a birthday party for my cousin where I can only assume small sandwiches and maybe a cream cheese based nacho dip will be served!


One Night Only!

This week has been fantastic. Mama Cat and Count Jackula took The Red Headed Bastard home for a few days so he could get some R & R in the country. I have been able to sleep in until 6:30 all week and I don’t have to rush home after work to take my son out for a pee.

Tonight I’m going to Wrassling at the Halifax Forum with Slutbanger and another couple. Our plan is to get rowdy and out of hand. I’m pretty excited for the line up too! Ted Dibiase, Brutus The Barber Beefcake, JERRY THE KING LAWLER!

 What excites me even more than the line up is the ability to take photos of 13-year-old kids smoking with their parents and seeing countless people wear clothing made by Pepsi or from a beer box.

I guess the rodeo is coming to town…

Thank you Olive Oil for scaring the shit out of me this morning. I walked into my office to discover a giant cardboard cut out of rodeo star Zane Lambert staring directly at me when I opened my door this morning.

I guess I kind of deserve this for the time I drew a cowboy hat and lasso over his company profile photo and circulated it throughout our office email with the caption ” Hey boys, who wants to have a rodeo?”

Where are we Detroit??

Slutbanger and I drove past a pager call center this morning on our way to work. Which in turn brought the question to mind…Who the hell still uses a pager?

 ” If you need me , just send me a page and I’ll find a pay phone and call you back!”

The last time I saw a pager was in the late 80’s when Count Jackula was pager number 959. Some lady would get on a PA system and give him a  verbal message to call a client. His pager was later upgraded in the 90’s to a car phone. The car phone came in its own giant carrying case and had a really long cord that plugged into the cigarette lighter.

“You’ll have to speak up, I’m talking to you on my car phone!”

Looks like Old Side Titty Lohan is going to jail!

I’m fucking terrified of dolls. As a small child Mama Cat and Big Marg ( My Gram)  decided I needed to have a porcelain doll collection. I’m pretty sure I saw this in a movie once and the idea just never left my head but I was always scared they would come to life and cut my hair in my sleep.

This doll is the worst one yet. It’s just so depressing. It’s an old obese woman sitting on a chair. Can you imagine giving this to someone as a gift? ” Oh hey Grammy, I bought you this doll because it reminds me of what life here at Shady Pines must be like.”

The only thing creepier than this, is an apple doll!!

Teen Mom news!

According to US Weekly, Cory and Leah from Teen Mom 2 have called it quits. The article states that the day before the wedding Corey was spotted flirting with ladies at the local Dairy Queen. Since the breakup Corey must have enrolled in the Gaarrryy Shirley school of dating as he took a sexy fan on a date to Wal-Mart.

I don’t blame the entire breakup on Corey. I can only assume once all the teen pregnancy money came rolling in Leah purchased bronzer and started getting her hair done professionally, there for making herself too hot for Corey.  It’s only a matter of time until Corey starts dressing like this…

Big News!

So yesterdays question about someone living in a clean house wasn’t the first time this week I had to put my foot in my mouth. On Sunday a car was blocking the only entrance to my buildings parking lot. It sat there for a good fifteen minutes and no one could get in or out. I took it upon myself to write the following on a piece of paper and place it under their windshield wiper.

” Thanks for blocking the drive way-Blow me”

Well it turns out that car belongs to my landlord and he is pretty pissed over it! So I guess it’s a good thing I’m moving out next month.I’m going to be saying good-bye to my bachelorette pad and moving into some fancy new South End digs with Slutbanger and The Red Headed Bastard. Here is a preview of the new place!