February 1st…I’m going to post about my hatred of Valentine’s Day early before people accuse me of being some sort of angry divorcee feminist.
I have a boyfriend, he’s actually a pretty good one. He makes me tea on Saturday mornings and buys treats for my dog. He introduces me to really cool movies and agrees to watch Amanda Bynes ones with me. He brings me low-calorie Gatorade after a night of too much drinking. Basically he’s nice to me and does thoughtful things all year round. I think he’s exempted from having to do anything for me on Valentine’s Day.
People should do nice things for their significant other everyday, not just on the one day of the year a bouquet of shitty looking carnations cost $45.00. If I end up going out on February 14th, it will be to get rip-roaring drunk and act like a jerk in public.
Here are some of the highlights from my weekend.
1. Mama Cat and The Count came to visit. They bought me a shit ton of Costco treats too!
2. I went to The Old Triangle, I ordered nachos that were ok but not great. I have since decided to find the best nacho’s in the city. Props to The Old Triangle however for making an amazing salsa.
3. I went skating on the oval. It was pretty fun.
4. Joannimal had a party on Saturday night. In less than two hours I killed a bottle of wine and 2 glasses of Thunder Punch. Slutbanger found me sitting on the stairs with my jacket on insisting that he takes me home.
5. I had a hangover that could have killed an OX on Sunday morning.
I don’t even know who this weeks Non-Eater is, she’s just some skinny model I came across while wasting time at work one afternoon. Remember when Models had to be attractive and clean-looking?
A hipsters kitchen contains so much more than just food no one really likes. You are guaranteed to find at least one of the following items in this room.
Ugly containers from the late 80’s. More than likely used to hold organic sugar and fair trade tea bags!
I know for a fact hipsters own these dishes because I always see them sitting out on the sidewalk. I can’t tell if they are trying to give them away or creating some sort of lame art project.
I’m actually on the fence on this wall decor .It’s from the 90’s but still really ugly and generally rejected by the majority of rich people.
A shitty looking casserole dish. Used to bake something equally as shitty tasting in and take to some sort of hipster meatless potluck.
In honour of Jack Lalannes death, I present some of my all time favorite As Seen on TV products…
The Bedazzler. I put this item on my Christmas wish list every single year. Thank God my parents never caved and bought it for me. I would not want to be kid in photos wearing a jean jacket covered in rhinestone.
The Set it and Forget it. Count Jackula actually owns one of these. It’s pretty amazing. He also owns a Flavor Wave. The man loves small household appliances.
A patch making kit. Oh I couldn’t wait to save up and buy a patch making kit. I would have found someway to incorporate the patches in with my bedazzled jean jacket.
I actually did get a juicer one year for Christmas and I fucking hated it. It was a son of a bitch to clean and you could dump an entire bag of oranges into it and come out with a mouthful of juice.
There are two products that will cause me to lose my shit if the packaging ever changes…
Hickory Sticks. They remind me of being young and going to boring places with my parents. Mama Cat would let me have the entire bag because they take forever to eat and keep small children quiet. I always have a bag on me when visiting friends with kids. In fact I tend not to visit friends until their kids are Hickory Stick eating age… With the exception of my Godson that is.
Cherry Blossoms. I can kill 4 of these in one sitting and I’m not ashamed of that either. I will permit the changing of the packaging only if its to create Mini Cherry Blossoms. That way I can eat an entire box and not feel bad about it because they’re fun size.
Slutbanger and I went to see The Kings Speech on Saturday night, over all it was a pretty decent movie. Although I did end up falling asleep once. This wasn’t even a slight dozing off either. Slutbanger looked over and noticed I was in a full on coma . As someone who shares a bed with me every weekend, he knew better than to wake me up. I have a tenancy to start screaming out of control when someone wakes me up from a deep sleep.
In the end I woke up on my own. I was extremely confused because I was dreaming that Joanimal and I were in a hotel room drinking, so when I came too I couldn’t understand what the hell I was doing in a theater for the first few seconds. I guess I realized I’m more of an early show kind of girl over the weekend.
On an off topic note, this cake is amazing!