2011 better get ready to suck my dick!

I have given the Non-Eater of the week award out to many deserving sluts candidates this year. Paris Hilton, Tori Spelling, Side Titty Lohan. But I think the Non-Eater of the year should go to Canada’s own Leah Miller. She used to be hot before she decided to under go plastic surgery and ended up looking like Cat Lady . Does anyone know if So you think you can dance Canada has been canceled yet?


Seriously this woman is the reason I am 100% in favor of pro-choice.

According to my half Asian friend Murray, Amber Portwood has been charged with assault! For those of you who are unfamiliar with Portwood, here is the run down. When she was 16 her boyfriend Gary Shirley(19)  knocked her up. Gary did all sorts of stupid things like tell Amber she couldn’t buy a change table for her baby because they didn’t have enough money, then he would go out and buy useless items like Rock Band or go out to dinner at a Golden Corral. Amber would get upset over his actions, hit him and then they would makeup.

Gary decided to man up and buy a synthetic pink sapphire promise ring for Amber. Upon being reassured he could return the ring that came to 26.98 at Wal-Mart he proposes to Amber. I think the engagement has been broken off a minimum of 4 times since taking place. In one Teen Mom episode Gary gets kicked out and takes his set of dirty twin sheets with him,  Amber actually said to him ” Don’t you ever get engaged to me again”

As if Amber wasn’t already a big enough bitch, she went and lost like 80 pounds. So now she feels she deserves more than Gary Shirley and starts to date a guy who just got out of jail. Gary and Amber get into a huge fight over Amber letting a criminal bathe and dress their 2-year-old daughter and Amber attacks Gary. The useful film crew from MTV just decided to stand there and film the 10 minute attack instead of breaking it up or calling the cops.

I have to give it to Amber it’s not everyday I can handout a World’s Worst Mother and a Non-Eater Award to the same person!

M&M’s Orential Party Pack Overload.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas, mine fucking ruled! I drank too much wine, received some sweet gifts and Count Jackula made half a package of maple bacon for breakfast every morning for five days in a row. My organs are literally going to shut down if I go near booze or bacon again this week.

I’m getting pretty excited for 2011 to come. 2010 has been a pretty sweet year for me. Here are some of the highlights from NSB’s first year.

I realized the importance of others reading about my love of sandwiches and going to the movies alone with a satchel full of them.

I campaigned against all the filtlhy hipsters in my neighbourhood.

I’m officially banned from a Tim Horton’s.

I met someone who enjoys my love of mass meat consumption and doesn’t judge me for spending Saturday mornings walking around my apartment in a red wine stained bathrobe.

For awhile I went to the Fairview DQ alone every friday night for a bag of Brazier Burgers, I have actually switched up on the burgs and now prefer Teen Burgers from the A & W.

I joined the 21st century and purchased my first cell phone.

I met 1980’s wrestling superstar Martty Jannetty.

I’m still in shock that Lindsay Lohan is alive.

I think I need to make 2011 the year I push out 3 kids so I can make them wear bacon suits.

9am Beers and Danzig…Murray Crit-mes!

Heading home with BKGG today at noon. I’m getting pretty excited. Brethren Lewis( My blogging  role model) and his wife are visiting from Tronny, Mama Cat is making seafood chowder for dinner, Nanny Lewis is making her famous Za’s on Christmas Eve and Slutbanger finally gets to meet my Brother!

I even bought some pretty sweet gifts for everyone this year. Unlike the time I was 5 and Count Jackula gave me $20.00 to get something for my brother so I bought him a pencil and kept the change.

Have a Merry Christmas Everyone. Holiday post will be random but I’ll be back in 2011!

This one goes out to Hazel, the greatest Mall Santa of all time!

It’s getting close to Christmas and I have a white wine hangover from getting drunk while cleaning my apartment last night. Enjoy the pics.

Santa kind of looks like Falkor from The Never Ending Story in this picture.

Duck face Santa!

This photo will forever haunt me.

Great parenting skills, taking your kid to see a drunk Mall Santa in his pajamas.

Someone que the Roy Orbison music…

Yesterday Slutbanger and I went to Maritime Travel on Barrington St to book a trip to Mexico that we found on the company’s website. It had to be the incompetent customer service experience either of us have ever encountered. To start off, I had to awkwardly ask the Branch Manager ( Whom by the way looks like the Mom from Troll 2) if she could help us book our trip. After being asked if we would come back tomorrow because they close in a half hour we gave her the details on the price listed on the Maritime Travel site.

Ten minutes later she told us she couldn’t find the price listed anywhere on the Air Canada site and we must be mistaken. After re-telling her that we found the price on Maritime Travel, she continued to tell us it wasn’t listed. Once she was able to find the trip with the help of another employee the two of them stood in front of us debating over who was going to book it because they close in five minutes.

Question. Do these agents work off of commission, because if so I’m going to walk in there and tell them I just booked a trip at home in less than five minutes. I’m about to have my greatest Julia Roberts  Pretty Woman moment!!

Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?

Remember when you were young and your parents would tell you if you didn’t behave while shopping for back to school clothing at the Co-op  Santa wouldn’t bring gifts for you on Christmas Eve? The other day Slutbanger told me about a German Christmas tradition that would have scared the 8-year-old poop right out of me.

In Germany parents tell their kids to wait up on the night of December 5th, because if they misbehaved Krampus was coming for them. Men in Germany will dress up like Krampus and visit homes. Obviously never actually taking the kids away. But parents will threaten their kids if they misbehave Krampus will take them out to the woods and beat them with a switch. I can think of a few people who deserve a visit from Krampus, mainly this little fellow…