Running with the devil


I have over two weeks of unused vacation time that I have to take before Christmas so I have decided to take today off and spend sometime with Mama Cat around the city. I’m pretty excited for her visit because she is going to take me out for  fancy lunch and bring me some Halloween candy. It better be good candy, if she shows up with any of the following she may as well just go back home.

1. Candy Kisses, they rip the teeth out of your head with each chew.

2. Salt and Vinegar chips. Gross me out.

3. A box of raisins, this isn’t even a treat.

4. Mr. Big chocolate bars. Next to Big Turks, this is the worst chocolate bar ever made.

I once received a packet of Heinz Tartar sauce for Halloween. I wish I knew who it came from, I would actually like to congratulate them for giving me the most unusual treat ever. I would prefer this over an orange any day.

Keeping with the crappy things on Halloween theme…I don’t even know why I am giving Heidi Montag the honour of being this weeks Halloween themed Non-eater. I really think she just needs to go away or star in a series of adult videos…

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A little side note…


Last week I posed an entry titled ” Dear Sandra”, I just want to say that I didn’t mean any harm and I’m sorry that it has upset so many people. I realize that she was just doing her job, which might I add she does very well.

I hope this photo of a dog who is clearly sorry makes up for my post. If not, I have a photo of a really muscely woman working out in a hot pink bathingsuit.

Life would be so much easier if I wasn’t so shallow and materialistic


I have come to the conclusion that I waste a lot of money on useless items. $250.00 on Hunter rain boots that offer the same amount of water protection as a $30.00 pair of boots is the perfect example. Although I do love the look of approval I get from fellow  Hunter wearers on the street.

Recently Slutbanger found out that I once purchased a pair of leather pants. I had myself convinced that I was totally cool enough to wear these pants downtown. Not the case at all. I bought the pants and then instantly retired them to closet until the other day when he convinced me to try them on, where I was then taunted and made fun of for a good ten minutes.  I need  to remember this moment the next time I go to spend an idiotic amount of money on something I’m never going to wear.

Sweetums has nothing to do with this post…I just really like him.

Never had me a name…


Pattistiltskin had her baby. As hard as I campaigned, she refused to name the baby Lou, even after I pitched a sweet series of short stories on what he could grow up to become with that name. But I guess she figured her baby was too good for pre made clubhouse sandwiches, generic brand Mountain Dew and life of dropping piss bombs on the open road. I’m pretty excited to meet the little guy. Aunt Red Wine and Cigarettes is going to spoil him rotten. He is going to be the coolest baby ever. I ordered him a Misfits shirt the other day so the other babies will know not to mess with him. I have already decided his blog nickname will be Handsome. B.Wonderful.

Speaking of babies…Sixteen and Pregnant is back for a third season. I’m going to be honest, I hated every single mom last season and couldn’t really get into the show. I’ll have a review on this one as soon as I watch it online today at work. I’m looking forward to awful baby names and making fun of lazy parents. It should hold me over until season 3 of Teen Mom starts back up.

 

In other news I found a website to replace whythefuckdoyouhaveakid  it’s www.badparenting.org

Filthy Homes on TV


If someone offered me millions of dollars to film my life,  the first thing I would do is hire a house keeper. That’s not to say my place is unkempt because The Red Headed Bastard is a pretty tidy roommate. But some of the families on reality tv are just plain disgusting. I’m not talking about people on Hoarders because they have an actual disease. I’m talking about every day people who can’t pick up a broom or put a container of milk back in the fridge.

Honest to God, I turned on the TV the other day and I though I was watching an episode of  Sanford and Son  but it turns out it was just Little People Big World.

Everyone’s least favorite teen mom Amber in a photo she sent to US Magazine. I like how she put her dirty laundry away before taking the photo that millions of readers would see.

 What ever the name of that show was old Side Titty Lohan and her family had… I like the piles of undies on the floor.

 

This year for Halloween I’m going to be a skank.


Checkout how cute The Red Headed Bastard looks in his Halloween costume. Thanks to Mama Cat for making it for him. I think kids today could learn a lot from Red’s costume. Instead of dressing up like a slut this year, maybe you can put some thought into your get-up. I’m so tired of seeing the following costumes…Sexy referee, sexy cop, sexy pirate, sexy kitten…The list goes on just basically put the word sexy in front of any other noun.

My personal top five Halloween costumes are as follows.

5. Alex from A Clockwork Orange. I was actually sent home from my shift at a McDonald’s in high school  for wearing this costume. It really taught me a lesson on what not to wear to work on a Friday night when you would rather be at a party.

4. When I was 5, I went as Scrappy Doo. My costume consisted of a plastic sheet that tied around my neck with a picture of Scrappy shadow boxing and a mask.

3. My old-time whore costume…Also known as a flapper girl. BKGG and I went as this last year.

2. In grade seven my friend Ashleigh and I went as used car salesmen. We had awesome plaid suits. I think this costume was channeling a little Stan Fox…

1. A giant box of wine. I painted the Domaine Door logo onto the box and then duct taped a 4l bag of wine on the inside.

Gutter punk at it’s best


Do you ever find yourself wondering whatever happened to the kids who went to school for two weeks in September and then they dropped out because they would rather smoke in front of the mall and they were never to be seen  again? Well on Wednesday night they all went to watch The Casualties and GWAR at The Palace.

I always though Justin Hawkins from The Darkness was the world’s ugliest frontman  but that award can now go to the lead singer of The Casualties.  Don’t get me wrong, they were half decent. Just horribly ugly.

This was my first time taking in a GWAR show and it fucking ruled. I could care less for their actual music, I just wanted to watch the act. The floor looked like a sea of bloody bodies, it was fantastic. And I almost saw my first set of concert boobs! Some drunk broad rushed the stage and just as we were mere seconds away from seeing concert boobs the bouncer tackled her to the ground. That was actually more entertaining…

I also enjoy that the members of GWAR now have to paint their muscles onto their body. Do you know who doesn’t have to paint fake muscles onto their body? Rachel Zoe…She could seriously be worked into their act as some sort of skeleton who fell into a vat of acid she is so skinny.