A Taste of the Rude!

French kissing women, insulting fans, rocking a sweet mustache and a sparkly robe…Sit back and enjoy some of the finest moments of the Rude awakening.

Calling the Boss Man’s Mother gutter trash…I love it!

Simply ravishing. I like the LA Raiders jacket at the 39 second mark.

He really does love the word Sweat Hogs.


Annoying Couples Shit

Weather your single, married or just single at the bank, there are certain things some couples do that annoy the shit out of everyone.

Walking around with their hands in each others pockets. 1. It’s not even remotely comfortable. 2. You look like idiots.

Making out at a concert. You know what I love when I’m really enjoying a song and then I look over and see two people practically fucking beside me. stop touching each other in front of me.

When a girl  insist on sitting directly beside her boyfriend while driving in a truck. Why? Why is this necessary? You don’t have to sit directly beside the poor boy, maybe he wants a little space… He knows you’re his girlfriend.

Making other people feel bad for being alone. I have no problem with eating alone in a nice restaurant, so why do you feel the need to stare at me the entire time I’m there.

Feeding each other in public…GROSS.

A few months ago I was on a plane heading to Boston, a couple asked the guy in front of me if he would switch them seats so they could sit together. Are you serious? The flight lasted an entire hour and a half. You can’t sit three isles apart for an hour and a half? All I do on a flight is watch TV and get drunk. It’s my favorite kind of alone time!

This couple actually rules!

Okay, nobody parties but me…

Thank God this fucking week is over, not that it has been overly stressful but Olive Oil was away on vacation all last week and I was getting pretty use to showing up at 10am wearing band t-shirts and jeans. All week he has been in and out of my office bothering me with stupid questions and trying to catch me slacking off.It’s days like today I’m thankful for the world’s seediest bar, The COHO. I plan on hitting up my favorite watering hole after work to take part in what is actually called “Cheap Wine Hour”. The COHO rules for various reasons.

1. It’s primarily filled with gay women so I don’t have to worry about repulsing men with my sailor mouth. It’s kind of nice to know I gross out both sexes!

 2. The bar tender rules, I don’t have a sweet clue as to what her name is but I would well imagine it’s Shirley or some other gruff kind of name. Maybe Donna.

3. The snacks. One of the first times I ever went to the COHO I ordered food, Shirley told me she didn’t feel like making it now but if I waited 15 minutes she would bring me some party mix and popcorn. I shit you not. And she fills your basket with party mix or microwaved popcorn with each drink purchase!

Actual COHO footage

I’m pretty sure this is the one time it’s ok to punch a child.

Remember when you were younger and wanted a wood burning kit for Christmas? You thought of all the cool things you could do with it like burning ” Jeff’s Room” into a piece of wood and hanging it on your door? Or maybe a chemistry kit that contained real lead and you could make some sort of sulphur based potion that burns a hole in your bedroom carpet?

Looking back those were  pretty stupid things for someone to  market towards kids. Nothing however could be more idiotic than Bling Teeth. You can now buy grills for kids ages 8 and up on-line! I’m not joking, they have over 22 different grills… For children. Its kind of like a douche bag starter kit for kids. All for the amazingly low price of 84.99!

I seriously want to punch this kid in the face.

Wanna go outside and play ” Poor People at Christmas?”

Growing up in the North End of New Glasgow gave me a pretty excentric childhood. We did things that normal kids would have done, but it just went to extremes. Remember when you were little and you would play imaginary games with your friends? We did that too, it just happened to be in an over the top fashion.

One of the games girls in my old neighbourhood loved to play was lets reenact the Day’s of our Lives story line from yesterday. Yup, lets go outside and pretend to throw glasses of wine in each others 9-year-old faces and act out steeling someones baby from a hospital. This game actually had to be stopped because all the girls would fight over who was going to be Hope Brady-Williams.

Growing up I loved the movie Look Who’s Talking . I dreamed of some day growing up to be just like Kristy Alleys  character. I couldn’t wait to grow up and become a poor single mother living in a crappy apartment. Being broke and living in a shitty appartement doesn’t rock half as much as I thought it would in childhood.

I don’t know if any of you are aware, but I loved the WWF growing up. Everyday after school everyone would go to a giant field at the top of Cottage Street for some North End Wrassling. People got pretty into this. My friend Fear actually made a series of belts from cardboard and the homosexual boy from our neighbourhood who loved wrestling but didn’t want to get dirty was the best ring announcer of all time! Needless to say I was always Miss Elizabeth.

Poorly crafted strollers and 591 mL pop bottles.

That’s right, I’m talking about Teen Mom today…

Every now and then I receive an email or comments from feminist ranting about how I don’t take eating disorders , poverty or teen pregnancy seriously. Not too long ago an email came in from someone ragging me out for my comments on MTV’s Teen Mom  and how dare I poke fun of those less fortunate than me. Those less fortunate than me? I have gone on the record stating  that these girls live a more elaborate life style than me! They all own cars and wear nicer clothing than I do ( with the exception of Caitlin) !

I’m not making fun of these girls for being teen parents, I’m making fun of them for being awful parents. Amber and Jorge Gracia Gary always complain about never having any money for things like diapers and formula. Yet every single episode features them going out to eat chicken fingers and fries, or making a ridiculous purchase like an adult plus size rabbit costume for Easter.

I thought Maci had half a brain in her head, but her current boyfriend reminds me of Moose Mason from The Archie Comics. This is going to sound completely shallow of me but seriously Maci, looks are somewhat important. I know he is in college and all but he’s not much to write home about.

 I don’t have anything mean to say about Farrah this week because I feel bad for her. I also feel bad for Caitlin, this girl has more common sense then both of her parents put together. Which still isn’t a lot. It’s a shame that both girls will more than likely grow up to work at some sort of flask and ornament engraving kiosk at the mall.

I kind of love Tyler because he is the most mature teen dad on the show. At the same time I kind of feel sorry for him as well because I’m sure his idea of a good job is managing a payday advancement store. PS Does anyone else love Tyler’s moms permed bangs?

Ok, I’m not taking spousal abuse seriously with this picture…Bring on the emails Cox University’s WOMS students!

For the Love of Fred Savage.

So last night Slutbanger came  over with a movie about monsters that live in a Graveyard. For some reason although it completely grossed me out, it got me thinking about the movie Little Monsters . Is it just me or does anyone else think that Fred Savage starred in three of the all time greatest childhood films? Sure he wasn’t the cutest of the child starts, but he had some great films in the late 80’s.

The Wizard, first of all any movie that makes reference to a Wizard with the exception of Harry Potter is alright in my books. Now of days, a movie that promotes breaking a mentally unstable boy out of an insane asylum and dragging him half way across the country to ” California” to play Super Mario Brothers 3 to prove he isn’t crazy wouldn’t really fly. I love how one set of parents in this film go out to find the boys and the other set hire a sleazy runaway child-hunter named Putnam.

Little Monsters, my all time favorite scene has to be when the fat kid drinks the apple juice and then yells ” Someone pissed in my apple juice.”  Oh Maurice and his highjinks…And his awesome leather bomber jacket.

The Princess Bride,  ” Shit Grandpa.” That might just be my favorite line from the entire movie.