I enjoy a good pair of slacks.

I’m kind of tall and awkward , so the boys usually don’t talk to me when I go out. With the exception of drunken older men wearing herringbone gold necklaces or a random fucking weirdo…cue denim shirt, double pleated dress pants guy at Niche last weekend. Apparently the double pleats went to junior high with one of my friends. And  felt it necessary to come up to a table of girls enjoying dinner and tell us all about his rock and roll life style. I’m not shitting, this is what we had to sit through for 10 minutes.

 Double Pleats – Tinkham? How are you, I heard you’re a doctor making all sorts of money.

Tink- Nope, still in school. (At this point in time she is kind of wondering who this guy is.)

 Double Pleats then says his name, I can’t for the life of me remember it, as I’m mesmerized by his crisp double pleated khakis. He then proceeds to shake the hand of everyone at our table and learn all of our names. If you really want to piss me off you can do two things, one shake my hand while I’m trying to eat. I’m a huge germaphobe and all I could think about was getting the washroom to sanitize my hands. Two call me Becky when I tell you my name is Rebecca. Back to the conversation…

 Tink- I haven’t seen you since grade nine… continues to stand there awkwardly…

DP -Yeah the bartender can’t keep up with our orders tonight. We like to drink and get fucked up yeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhh.

Tink- Oh we’re just kind of out for a quiet girl’s night. Probably just going to head home and play some Rock Band.

DP-Oh I love Rock Band, I play it online everyday…after smoking a DUBEEEEEEEE.

One of my friends had to actually get up from the table to hide her laughter at this point. The conversation continues to go on, he basically stands at our table telling us how cool and wild he is for another 8 minutes and then proceeds back to his table where he has a lovely cosmopolitan waiting for him.

Yeah, the bar staff can’t keep up with your order? Or are they laughing too hard over the fact a table of grown men are drinking the cocktail of choice for 19-year-old girls? Just imagine taking that home at the end of the night. He would ask if you had a special hanger with clips on it as he doesn’t want to lose the crease in his slacks. That’s the kind of guy you would have to use the bathroom with the door open the next day in an attempt to get him out of your home.


5 responses to “I enjoy a good pair of slacks.

  1. You forgot to add that the table he was at was dressed for the prom… curls and all. The awkward eye humping as well was pretty fucking awesome. That might have been my favourite night ever. Stiff leg, left leg. It’s nice to know that guys like double pleats fivehead are still available in NS for our age bracket.

  2. Did this happen last weekend or last century? I admit that I’m a bit out of the cultural mainstream, but I didn’t know people still dress like that or talk like that any more. Please don’t tell me he suffixed any of his utterances with -ski. As in, “I love to come here and pound down a few brewskis.”

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