Who the F#*k still uses a payphone?

This broad, that’s who. 

So this buying a cell phone thing isn’t working out at all. I went into the store and found myself overwhelmed and intimidated. I felt like I was in some sort of prestigious bar. Everything was so white and shinny and better than me. The kid waiting on me even had a jaw line beard just like the kind a real judgmental douche bag who would make fun of me in a bar would have. 

 I’m looking for three qualities in a phone, 1. Call People. 2. Ring when people call me.  3. Take a photo without a flash going off. He started going on about how I could talk to all my friends on MSN with the first phone he showed me. The last time I chatted with a friend over an instant messaging system was back in 1998 on ICQ. Why they hell would I want anyone instant messaging me all time? If I wanted to talk to someone instantly would I not call them on this mother fucking phone I’m about to buy!

This decision might have to go on hold for a while; maybe I should just stick with my 35mm and a telescopic lens for taking creepy pics of people when they’re not looking. Or perhaps go back to 1940 where I would fit in just fine.


That’s it, I’m getting a cell phone…

I have thought about the idea of buying a cell phone and joining the 21st century for  some time now .I guess you could say I really started putting some thought into it two weeks ago. I was standing in line on my timed fifteen minute break at Tim Horton’s when I spotted a woman in line eating a two piece fish and chips with her bare hands.

The thought occurred to me I could be blogging about this and not just this occurence, I see a good 2-3 jean jackets in the run of a day that I would love to take a picture of. But today was the last straw in my decision to buy a phone, while walking through Parade Square at 7:30 am I spotted a homeless man drinking a bottle of Lindeman’s bin 99 pinot noir.

I don’t plan on calling anyone on this camera phone, I don’t even answer my home phone half of the time when my friends call me. I just want the ability to take a creepy stalker angle photo without a flash going off basically. I should really work on my wording a little before I go into the Telus store and tell a 16-year-old boy what I’m looking for in a cell phone.

An open letter to Ludacris

Dear Ludacris,

What the hell happened to your career? It was one thing when you dropped some bombs on Jessie McCartney’s song, I just turned a blind eye to that one and let you have it.  But Justin Bieber??? Come on man!! Rapping about not needing Starbucks because your 13-year-old girlfriend got you up every morning….What the fuck is wrong with you?

 I’m worried here Luda, please go back to making songs that place women on display as pieces of meat for the taking. That’s how I prefer you. I have attached a photo of a braless Lohan side titty to this post because that’s the kind of filth I want to see from you in your next video.  If I ever hear tell of you making a cameo in a video for some 15-year-old kid who sings about riding his bike to the beach or calling girls and talking to them all night ever again, that’s it for me. Consider yourself warned.

And the award goes to…..

Ah yeah, it’s Friday and you know what that means after work I’m heading over to the Fairview DQ for a Brazier Burger, then I’m drinking red wine alone  and in my bathrobe. It also means it’s time for our first ever  Non-Eater of the Week award. It only makes sence to give this award to Paris Hilton.She is the original non-eater, I think she even invented anorexia.

Someone seriously needs to throw a sandwich into this broad….

Sixteen, pregnant and still doing better than me!

I love this show and I have no shame in admitting to it either. I like to think of it as Toddlers and Tiaras the later years. MTV must have a pretty rigorous screening process for the teens that appear on their show. OK, let’s see here. You’re a teen who is pregnant, check. You come from a really good home with wealthy parents who let you do whatever you want, check. You date a loser who dumps you on a weekly basis so he can cheat on you at parties, check. Yeah, you fit the bill Welcome to Sixteen and Pregnant.

 I have to say I am a little jealous of these moms, on season one Maci (The only mom who actually took care of her kid) once said “And this is my new sofa that I bought with my own money.” At first I was laughing over such a stupid thing for someone to say. Then my friend Jamie pointed out to me I could never  afford a brand new sofa.  Plus all the teens  featured on this show own a car and have really nice clothing. Sure, they can’t afford things like diapers and all their friends deserted them but I am still green with envy!