I never thought I would say this but I owe a group of Hipsters an apology. Yesterday ten of them came into the restauraunt for brunch and sat in my section. At first I said to myself Oh great Hipsters, I’m gonna have to make ten pots of fucking tea. Only three of them ordered tea and only two made a point to tell everyone at the table they are vegetarian and had to modify their order. Best of all these Hipsters tipped really well!
So now the order of people I hate waiting on goes as such…
Anyone with a child
Large groups of women
People who put ketchup on their food
It’s not cute when you kid does this, it’s fucking annoying.
Props to my reader Schmelt who sent me this link. It’s amazing and I need to share it with everyone.
I’m making a change. Non-Eater Fridays are now being replaced with Shitty Hipster Friday. And the First award goes to this idiot…
It’s time to reconsider the never hit a guy with glasses rule…
It’s officially my last full day of North End living. My apartment has been good to me. I’ve made lots of awesome meals here, drank too much wine in my bathrobe on a Friday night while enjoying the company of the Red Headed Bastard. I’ve fallen in love here and shot numerous amounts of bucks while playing Deer Hunter with friends while gorging on cheese.
I’m going to miss North End life. But most of all I’m going to miss this…
All summer long you can catch my neighbour hanging out in his fridge fort. Blasting Fog Hat and enjoying a Schooner! He’s awesome, on Halloween he stands outside with a karaoke machine singing Monster Mash all night in a mono tone voice and most importantly, he is a constant reminder to hipsters that real poor people actually live in this neighbourhood!
Anyone I see wearing giant hipster glasses that are obviously fake gets the following question asked to them…
Are those lenses real?
And when they answer no, I get to say…
Weird, so you just wear giant fake glasses then???
I have to wear glasses everyday. They are a whore. I can’t wear contacts because poking myself in the eye makes me want to puke and I have scar tissue in the back of my eyes so laser surgery is also out. You can’t take glasses away from hot nerds, that’s pretty much all we have going for us!
This guy better thank his lucky stars I’m asking that question and not punching him in the back of the head.
Back to work after a pretty snazzy weekend filled with delicious and perfectly cooked meat from The Keg, followed by too many beers at Gus’ Pub. Although Gus’ is filled with filthy hipsters, I am willing to over look it as they are the only bar the serves Schooner beer. One thing I’m not willing to over look however is hipsters winter fashion choices.
I guess it’s now cool for hipsters to wear an old neon Sunice or Farwest winter jacket. Hey hipsters, you know who beat you to this witty fashion statement? Rich people. Rich people like to attended novelty ski days where they wear jackets from the early 90’s and everyone has a good laugh over how stupid they were to spend $200.00 on a jacket in 1993.
Better luck next season hipsters. Maybe you can bring back jelly shoes or Hammer Pants. Rich people have no desire to wear either of these products while on their fancy and expensive days of leisure.
I think I might start quizzing people I see on the street wearing Che Guevara shirts. I am willing to bet a good 90% of these people don’t even know how to pronounce his name.
So, it’s the second day of summer and I already have a rant lined up. I really should have called this blog White Bitch Rants. Ladies, if you can’t walk to work in your high heels, buy a pair of flats like the rest of the adults. Seriously nothing ruins an outfit like a giant pair of sneakers on your feet.
And while I’m at it, dress for the weather. I’m just wondering who people think they are sticking it to by going to the beach in a pair of corduroy pants and a mohair sweater. Oh look at you standing up to the man, all uncomfortable and over heating. You’re the summer equivalent to a mall skank who stands outside smoking during the winter in a tank top. That’s not to say you should buy a bunch of dresses with strategically placed rips either. But properly fitting shorts and a t-shirt never hurt anyone.
Hipster or Tina Yothers???
I love when bums ask me for money on my way to work everyday. I’m just wondering what is it about a single white woman living on the cusp of the ghetto that screams “ I have ton’s of money, ask me for some”. I should really be thanking all the hipster art school kids who moved into my neighborhood with their piece of crap bikes that actually cost a couple hundred dollars.
The new rule for my neighborhood should be if you’re dressed like an adult going to work, you don’t have money. You are living in this area because you have to. If you’re wearing an old skirt that was part of a clogging outfit riding a bike with giant glasses on, you’re actually a rich Toronto kid.
…Remember when people would be embarrassed by dressing like this?
I put up with a lot from hipster douche bags. When they try to stop me on the street to tell me about programs I should be supporting with my disposable income I always lie to them and say I will make a payment online this afternoon. When they take up all the nice seats at a Starbucks for hours without buying a single coffee talking about Stanley Kubrick movies that weren’t even made by Kubrick I keep my mouth shut.
But yesterday, oh yesterday was the straw that broke this camels back! It’s no secret I love meat. Hotdogs are on the top of my list for favorite meats. I can pound a good three into my mouth while I’m out on my lunchtime hotdog walk and I have no shame in that either! Yesterday while standing on Spring Garden Road double fisting two jumbo dogs, A classic hipster douche with his 1980’s dad style metal frame oversized glasses, in skin-tight pants and a ratty shirt had the never to say to me “I hope you’re proud of yourself for eating a dead animal.”
You know what you cock sucker? I am proud of myself. I’m a skinny girl who loves to eat. And PS those glasses don’t make you look cool. Jeffery Dahmer had an identical pair; congratulation you look like a child molester.